(Word Count: 268)
The voice of the flight captain woke me up, as he was announcing that the plane would land in 30 minutes. I looked to my left and saw my father staring at the window next to me saying, “We are finally back son. Home sweet home.” I was excited and anxious at the same time to go back home and see the rest of my family.
Spending that previous week in Shenzhen changed my life a little. I got to experience their lifestyle and I was apart of their culture. Over the course of the trip, I went to a lot of different places that ranged from the cities to farmlands. I met a lot of new people but they are mostly my father’s business partners. Most of them are old, so the topics to our conversations were limited. During the times when we weren’t traveling, I was usually in the hotel room relaxing. I brought my laptop hoping to communicate with my friends, but I soon realized that Facebook is banned from China. I tried watching television but all the channels were in Mandarin.
Overall, the trip wasn’t too fun for a 19 year-old college student. For the last few days of the trip, I was home sick. I didn’t feel right being in Shenzhen, I felt the urge to go home. As I got off that plane, I felt like my mission was accomplished and it was only minutes away until I see my mom. When my mom picked us up, I couldn’t help it but to instantly hug her and tell her how much I missed home.
The Point: There is no place like home.
I think it's a good start, but since your focus is there is no place like home you should focus on some aspects of home that you missed. Your story should really make the reader feel like you could't wait to get home.
ReplyDeleteGood story, good aspect of place and it may be a cliche point but it works well with your narrative.
ReplyDeleteLike what Justine pointed out, focus more on the aspect that you couldn't wait to get home. I suggest adding that in the 2nd paragraph.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good story and I can relate when I visited Korea.